Between zombies and doomsday foretelling Mayans, 2012 sure packed a punch. Here at Goober Central, we've had several big things happen too, both good and bad.
2012 has brought many smiles, many tears, and lots of laughter. Our Goober turned two in September and got his official diagnosis of classical autism in October. In November we had a big move from Ohio to Virginia. And just today, December 31, my boy helped me feed him with a spoon for the first time.
We've seen improvements in his speech, we've gotten him to drink from a sippy cup, lost a lot of speech and regressed back to a bottle, regained some of the speech and got him back on the cup except for sleep times. We've lost a good sleep schedule, spent months with a horrible sleep schedule, got him on melatonin and got the good sleep schedule back. We learned how to walk and started using a big boy bed. We can follow simple directions to certain games. We no longer eat every piece of paper we find, although we love the taste of stink bugs, apparently. We no longer say "ah ah" and instead say "no." And we use "yes" and "no" appropriately. We know to open the fridge when we want something to drink, even if it drives Momma and Dada up the bloody walls! We could count to 16 and now we're down to 9. We know most of our ABC's, but not in order. We're nowhere near potty training. We've perfected the tantrum and have meltdowns of epic proportions.
So what do I want to see happen in 2013? I want my boy to be able to feed himself with a fork and spoon. I want him completely off the bottle. And I want him to put himself to sleep at night. Anything else is just gravy. I want to get him set up with EI, OT, and Speech. I want to lose weight, get a job, and eliminate as much negativity from my life as possible. I want to continue to advocate for autistic people and their families. And I would love to join a Walk. I want to blog more, write more, and do more things as a family.
Not ambitious at all, huh?
Oh, and since I mentioned LSSU's Banished Words in an earlier post, so here they are in a nutshell:
1. Fiscal Cliff
2. Kick the can down the road
3. Double down
4. Job creators/creation
5. Passion/Passionate
6. YOLO
7. Spoiler Alert
8. Bucket List
9. Trending
10. Superfood
11. Boneless Wings
12. Guru
I advise going to the link and looking up the explanation to some of these. I have to say though, if I never hear YOLO again, I will die happy.
Happy New Year! I'll see you in 2013!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Christmas 2012
Yesterday was the first Christmas we spent with my husband's side of the family since Goob was born. I was really worried about how he would take to all the new people, being in a house that had more people than it could realistically hold, new sights and sounds and foods. And well, some things were good, others not so much. So, all in all, better than expected.
He woke up at 7:30AM. He's been getting up earlier than normal with the melatonin finally getting him back on a night time sleep schedule. We changed into his Elmo PJs, and had breakfast before going upstairs to wrap presents. It took us a while to get his attention to the presents, at one point he started to tantrum because he wanted to get the dog's tennis ball out of the drawer in the entertainment center. He's allowed to have the ball, so the tantrum was resolved before it became much more than whining and little crying. But I was proud of my boy, because when we did get him to focus on the presents, he stayed focused on the presents until all but one was opened, and Dada had to help him on that.
We went downstairs and started assembling. He pretty much let us, although he wanted to play with his cars and train playhouse now, he informed us and we weren't putting it together fast enough. I was impressed with how engaged he was with the toys since they were new. Usually new toys get a couple minutes of play time and then are forgotten for awhile. But he's still playing with his new toys this morning!
We go over to his great grandmas. And I'm not proud of this, but he got high chaired. She has a lot of little, breakable figurines, and Goob wanted to play with them all and wasn't listening to 'no.' He's gotten a lot better about listening, but he still sometimes has trouble areas, and we were afraid with the people there he'd push his boundaries more and end up hurting himself, someone/something else, and/or having a meltdown. So, the high hair with Nick Jr and Legos it was. He did great with the people there. He didn't engage anyone, but he would be social when someone tried to engage him. Part of the time, which is a huge improvement! He let others play with him, and laughed even if he didn't actively engage in play with them also.
Foodwise, he didn't do so hot. He threw his ham, and his pineapple casserole ended up in my lap. All we got him to eat was green beans and corn. Could be worse, right? We came home and played and went to bed early because it was an early morning followed by a long, napless day. All in all, it was a good day.
Not everyone in our family knows Goob has autism. I'm not sure why it's a big deal, but I trust my husband's judgement when he says that we shouldn't tell certain people. It's not that I am ashamed of Goob, not at all, but there are situations when I can understand not being open about the diagnosis. It kind of stung a little when people would start talking about college funds, because our boy may never go to college. Or how they assumed he was shy because he didn't talk to them, no he didn't talk to you because he's non-verbal. He's good at repeating what others say (which he did yesterday!) but he won't say it without prompting most of the time. It hurt, but I kept reminding myself that they didn't know, so they had no way to know how much something that simple stung. They weren't trying to be hurtful. It's something you learn to expect when you take him around people though, especially when they don't know that our son has classical autism. They're thinking of his future, dreaming of college, you're dreaming of him being able to talk, or to stop peeing in his hand and wiping it over your face, or to actually eat something. It would be different if they knew, but since they don't you have to smile, nod, and try to not to take it personally. Sometimes, that is really hard.
He woke up at 7:30AM. He's been getting up earlier than normal with the melatonin finally getting him back on a night time sleep schedule. We changed into his Elmo PJs, and had breakfast before going upstairs to wrap presents. It took us a while to get his attention to the presents, at one point he started to tantrum because he wanted to get the dog's tennis ball out of the drawer in the entertainment center. He's allowed to have the ball, so the tantrum was resolved before it became much more than whining and little crying. But I was proud of my boy, because when we did get him to focus on the presents, he stayed focused on the presents until all but one was opened, and Dada had to help him on that.
We went downstairs and started assembling. He pretty much let us, although he wanted to play with his cars and train playhouse now, he informed us and we weren't putting it together fast enough. I was impressed with how engaged he was with the toys since they were new. Usually new toys get a couple minutes of play time and then are forgotten for awhile. But he's still playing with his new toys this morning!
We go over to his great grandmas. And I'm not proud of this, but he got high chaired. She has a lot of little, breakable figurines, and Goob wanted to play with them all and wasn't listening to 'no.' He's gotten a lot better about listening, but he still sometimes has trouble areas, and we were afraid with the people there he'd push his boundaries more and end up hurting himself, someone/something else, and/or having a meltdown. So, the high hair with Nick Jr and Legos it was. He did great with the people there. He didn't engage anyone, but he would be social when someone tried to engage him. Part of the time, which is a huge improvement! He let others play with him, and laughed even if he didn't actively engage in play with them also.
Foodwise, he didn't do so hot. He threw his ham, and his pineapple casserole ended up in my lap. All we got him to eat was green beans and corn. Could be worse, right? We came home and played and went to bed early because it was an early morning followed by a long, napless day. All in all, it was a good day.
Not everyone in our family knows Goob has autism. I'm not sure why it's a big deal, but I trust my husband's judgement when he says that we shouldn't tell certain people. It's not that I am ashamed of Goob, not at all, but there are situations when I can understand not being open about the diagnosis. It kind of stung a little when people would start talking about college funds, because our boy may never go to college. Or how they assumed he was shy because he didn't talk to them, no he didn't talk to you because he's non-verbal. He's good at repeating what others say (which he did yesterday!) but he won't say it without prompting most of the time. It hurt, but I kept reminding myself that they didn't know, so they had no way to know how much something that simple stung. They weren't trying to be hurtful. It's something you learn to expect when you take him around people though, especially when they don't know that our son has classical autism. They're thinking of his future, dreaming of college, you're dreaming of him being able to talk, or to stop peeing in his hand and wiping it over your face, or to actually eat something. It would be different if they knew, but since they don't you have to smile, nod, and try to not to take it personally. Sometimes, that is really hard.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Shine on, Autism Warriors!
Ladies and gentlemen, as I write this I am with a heavy
heart laden with sadden, fear, and anger.
Society is unkind. Life is
unfair. These are all truths that, as
unfortunate as they may be, we are all too aware of. Many of us have found social networking sites
to be a place of solace and commraderee.
A place for us to find like-minded people who share interests and
passions with. For those of us in the
autism community, someone to commiserate with on the bad days, and someone to
celebrate with on the good days. Today,
today I felt like social networking was attacking me. As a mother, I am horribly sickened by the
words that are spreading across these sites uncensored. The stigma, stereotypes, blatant lies,
mistruths, and ignorance and overall HATE that is radiating in our society and
being posted on social networking sites and picked up by the media was almost
too much for me to bear.
First, I want to take a second to pay homage to where
this latest bout of insanity started.
Friday, December 14, 2012, Adam Lanza shot his mother, and then opened
fire on the teachers and children of Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown,
Connecticut. Twenty-seven people died
that day. Lanza is also dead. A nation mourns this loss. Even though I did not know any of those
people, my heart breaks for them.
Writing this brings tears to my eyes.
Who would do something so heinous?
Why?
Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas said that God
sent Adam Lanza to that school to punish the people of Newtown for supporting
homosexual people. They picketed the
funerals. If God sent Lanza to kill
those children, He is no God of mine.
But I don’t believe He did. WBC
makes a mockery of Christian beliefs.
To add fuel to the fire, Lanza was believed to have a personality
disorder and Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of high functioning autism. Many people believe these two alleged
diagnoses were contributing factors in his decision to kill Friday.
I logged onto my personal Facebook account this evening
after getting my son to bed, and found a picture from a page I frequent, More
Potatoes Please. I don’t always agree
with everything this page says, but as human beings that happens. This post however, was most concerning. Not because of what the page owner said, but
what the original poster had written.
The admin at More Potatoes Please, had written that this is what their
child was facing, and that the horrible words written in this post were
unfortunately not just the sentiment of the original poster. I, like the owner of the page, fear that my
child, that your child, that every person with autism and other mental and
developmental issues will face this sort of hatred. I’m going to shield the name of the poster
for privacy reasons, not because she deserves it, but because I believe it to
be the humane and moral and ethical thing to do. Please, remember that this statement does not
reflect the beliefs of Goober in Autismland or More Potatoes Please. In fact, both pages are disheartened by these
words. The posting read:
“Yeah well my cousin works with autistic kids and adults
and she says that they are violent people and copy everything they see on t.v.
So don’t hand me that s**t. These
monsters need to be locked up, ALL OF THEM, before this happens again. So stop
making excuses for them, especially when you don’t know what you’re talking
about. I even know crazy, violent people
with ADHD who don’t take their meds. You people need to stop doing drugs while
pregnant and having babies that grow up to kill us innocent people. Yes, I am D**N mad because his family knew he
was a sick f**k and actually let him out into population.”
---Note: This was edited to make it less grammatically
incorrect and to censor some swears for those who are sensitive to that. And please, remember that neither my page,
nor More Potatoes Please agrees with the sentiment of this poster. We really, truly, do not.
Now, I want to look at this, dissect it, and write it off
as one ignorant woman, making harmful, hateful comments with raw emotions about
something she knows little about. I want
to say it’s not a big deal, have a tough skin, let it roll off your back. I can’t.
See, when Goob was first diagnosed, I did my
research. Back in the day, meaning
before I was born, but still not the distant past, autistics were locked
up. They were subjected to shock
treatments and lobotomies. And the idea
that anyone, ANYONE, thinks it’s okay to go back to that terrifies me. Now, I know that the likelihood of this
backpedalling that far is slim. But how
far will it go? Even an inch is too
much. We need to move forward.
This is not just the thoughts of one ignorant woman. These are thoughts of an ignorant
nation. A nation afraid of something it
doesn’t understand. Our kids, our loved
ones are already subjected to horrible bullying. The thought process of this woman is
dangerous. It’s horrifying, it’s
terrifying.
But, I’m a formidable opponent. So are you.
We have something this woman doesn’t have. We have knowledge, we have truth, we have
cold, hard facts.
I’m scared. I
really am. But here’s the thing. My son is non-verbal, he may never learn to
talk. He may never have a voice of his
own. But my voice is loud enough for the
both of us. I will spread knowledge and
awareness to every person who will listen.
I will shine our light over all of this negativity. I will not let my child be persecuted for
this. He will not suffer. No child or adult should endure this. And I will not let the deaths of those people
in Connecticut be used as an excuse for dehumanizing our loved ones. It’s unfair to us, it’s unfair to our loved
ones, it’s unfair to society, but most of all, it’s unfair to those poor kids
and the staff members at Sandy Hook Elementary.
Life is unfair, but this is an injustice that this Momma just won’t
stand for.
Keep your heads up, followers. Let your voice be heard. Shine your light. There is darkness surrounding us, negativity,
fear, ignorance, stereotypes, stigma, hatred, all looming. It feels like it’s everywhere. Don’t let it destroy you. Stand tall, and knock it down. Spread knowledge, kindness, and love. Show the world that we’re not afraid of
them. But more importantly, they shouldn’t
be afraid of us. We have no reason to
cower in fear and shame. The stereotypes
are wrong. Let’s go out and prove it.
As raw and fresh as this feels, this too shall pass. But nothing has ever gotten better without
action. So get out there and act! Shine
on, Autism warriors, shine on!
2012 Forbidden words.
Every year, I make a post on my personal blog about my New Years resolutions and then the list of forbidden words for this year. I always strive to not use the forbidden words at all in the course of the up and coming year. This year, I thought it would be interesting to make my own list.
Normal:
What is normal anyway?
Mayan/Mayans:
I don't know about you, but I am sick of hearing about these people.
Zombie Apocalypse:
Yeah, I'm sick of hearing about this too.
Honestly/ To be honest (TBH)/ Literally:
Overused and usually used improperly.
Retard/Special/Mentally Challenged/Herp/Derp:
Special and mentally challenged come with a condition. They can be used as long as they are not used in a derogatory manner. But I want to ban all words that make fun of other people. These are just a few examples, but the list is quite extensive.
Can't/Cannot:
And will place it with "can" and "will."
Hopeless/Helpless/Lost Cause:
Replace with "hopeful," "helpful." and "work in progress."
Those are my forbidden words. And I will try to eliminate them from my vocabulary in 2013. What are some of the words you want to eliminate and why?
Normal:
What is normal anyway?
Mayan/Mayans:
I don't know about you, but I am sick of hearing about these people.
Zombie Apocalypse:
Yeah, I'm sick of hearing about this too.
Honestly/ To be honest (TBH)/ Literally:
Overused and usually used improperly.
Retard/Special/Mentally Challenged/Herp/Derp:
Special and mentally challenged come with a condition. They can be used as long as they are not used in a derogatory manner. But I want to ban all words that make fun of other people. These are just a few examples, but the list is quite extensive.
Can't/Cannot:
And will place it with "can" and "will."
Hopeless/Helpless/Lost Cause:
Replace with "hopeful," "helpful." and "work in progress."
Those are my forbidden words. And I will try to eliminate them from my vocabulary in 2013. What are some of the words you want to eliminate and why?
Saturday, December 15, 2012
A sad day.
It's a sad day, not just for Goober Central, but for the whole of the United States, the world even, anyone who has ever loved a child or who has even the tiniest bit of a heart.
Yesterday, as most know, the news broke about a heinous shooting in CT, that as of last count left 9 adults and a staggering 18 children were slaughtered pointlessly. My heart aches for the victims, the survivors, the families, and their loved ones. Even today, my eyes tear up and my heart breaks as I type this. I want so badly to believe that this was all just a nightmare that I can wake up from, but that's not the case. This happened. I still can't believe it.
It came to my attention early this morning that the shooter was allegedly diagnosed with a personality disorder and Asperger's Syndrome. This is being used by some to, in a small way, excuse his actions. "It's a horrible thing to do, but he had such and such, so that kind of explains it." As a mother of a son with classical autism, and ex-girlfriend of a man with AS, and a woman with bipolar disorder this deeply saddens me. The diagnosis does not make you a good or a bad person. Underneath the diagnosis is the person you are. And everyone who receives the diagnosis has the opportunity to learn coping skills that if they had been employed here could have saved lives. No, the personality disorder and autism may have added a complication to his processing, but it was the man that decided to do this horrible thing. And it is the man alone that should take the blame for it. There are no excuses, there are no reasons good enough.
So today, in the wake of the tragedy, I want to ask something of everyone in this community. Whether you have, or love someone with autism or a personality disorder, I want you to bring awareness to it, show the goodness and love that can come from these things, so the world doesn't see only the bad. Shine your light, and help us wash away the shadow this monster has cast on our community. Those that can help with anything for those people in CT, do so. I don't have any good links for places to donate, but ask you church, Salvation Army, the American Red Cross, if they aren't doing something specifically, they will know someone who is. Don't waste this time today arguing about gun laws or playing the blame game. Love your kids, do something kind for a stranger today, and shine your light. It's what the world needs.
All of our hearts here at Goober Central go out to the victims, survivors, families, and loved ones of this heinous crime. We send positive energy and prayers out to all those suffering today. Our hearts are broken for you.
Yesterday, as most know, the news broke about a heinous shooting in CT, that as of last count left 9 adults and a staggering 18 children were slaughtered pointlessly. My heart aches for the victims, the survivors, the families, and their loved ones. Even today, my eyes tear up and my heart breaks as I type this. I want so badly to believe that this was all just a nightmare that I can wake up from, but that's not the case. This happened. I still can't believe it.
It came to my attention early this morning that the shooter was allegedly diagnosed with a personality disorder and Asperger's Syndrome. This is being used by some to, in a small way, excuse his actions. "It's a horrible thing to do, but he had such and such, so that kind of explains it." As a mother of a son with classical autism, and ex-girlfriend of a man with AS, and a woman with bipolar disorder this deeply saddens me. The diagnosis does not make you a good or a bad person. Underneath the diagnosis is the person you are. And everyone who receives the diagnosis has the opportunity to learn coping skills that if they had been employed here could have saved lives. No, the personality disorder and autism may have added a complication to his processing, but it was the man that decided to do this horrible thing. And it is the man alone that should take the blame for it. There are no excuses, there are no reasons good enough.
So today, in the wake of the tragedy, I want to ask something of everyone in this community. Whether you have, or love someone with autism or a personality disorder, I want you to bring awareness to it, show the goodness and love that can come from these things, so the world doesn't see only the bad. Shine your light, and help us wash away the shadow this monster has cast on our community. Those that can help with anything for those people in CT, do so. I don't have any good links for places to donate, but ask you church, Salvation Army, the American Red Cross, if they aren't doing something specifically, they will know someone who is. Don't waste this time today arguing about gun laws or playing the blame game. Love your kids, do something kind for a stranger today, and shine your light. It's what the world needs.
All of our hearts here at Goober Central go out to the victims, survivors, families, and loved ones of this heinous crime. We send positive energy and prayers out to all those suffering today. Our hearts are broken for you.
Friday, December 14, 2012
You're invited...
There's a pity party in Goober Central today, folks, and you're all invited.
It's normal for parents with special needs kids, hell, with kids in general, to have a brief moment of "woe is me" every now and then. I'm not special. I'm not horrible for thinking life would be so much easier without the autism. I'm not bad for absolutely hating the situation we are in, autism and other aspects included.
Autism sucks.
These are the things that bother me the most:
1.) He does not always respond to verbal commands. This is not our fault. Part of it is the autism. He cannot tell from our tone that we are being firm and decisive. He may not even really understand what we are saying, so we step in and show him. We say "No! Get down!" and put him on the floor. This serves two purposes, it gets him off whatever we don't want him climbing on, and we're hoping it teaches him that no, get down, means to get off whatever he's on. We've been seeing progress with this. So, why do I feel bad because we can't say "No" and get instant results? I shouldn't. We're working with him the way that he seems to respond to. And yet, I still feel like I failed to each this to him.
2.) He does not communicate to us (in a way we can understand) and we are unsure how much of what we say he understands. I've been reading to him, telling him stories, talking him through everything since the day he was born. Everyone has worked on teaching him new words. And he has words, he really does, but he doesn't use them meaningfully. Meaning, he parrots them, he says them back, but they don't MEAN anything to him. He said "Please" like 20 times yesterday. Not once was he asking for something. He said "No" more than that, not once was he responding to something.
3.) The tantrums suck and I want to give in every time. I hate to hear my little boy cry, and I want to give him everything he wants. But I know that some of these things are not what is best for him, so I don't give in, and he cries. I know tantrums are normal, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
4.) The meltdowns. Anyone who has an autistic child understand this. Meltdowns are like supercharged tantrum that last sometimes up to a couple of hours and there is very little you can do to diffuse the situation once it's started. Yeah, that makes me feel wonderful.
5.) He's not bottle broke, and while were doing it anyway, I'm not even sure he's really ready for it. He's 27 months. He should have been broke 15 months ago according to WIC and doctors I feel like we are constantly being judged about the bottle thing. It's a security for him, but it's something we have to take away.
6.) Potty training? Yeah, not in the forseeable future. How do you potty train a non-verbal 2 year old boy who probably doesn't understand half of what you're saying to him? I mean, how does he let us know he needs to go? You get answers for me, and I will be a very happy woman. Because I am at a complete loss and here is another skill I have no idea how to teach him.
7.) Teethbrushing, hair brushing, and nose cleaning sounds like we are torturing him. I don't like people to watch us do it either. We have to pin him, it takes both of us, and he's still screaming and fighting the whole time. Nothing we have done has made it easier. I feel guilty and horrible about the whole thing. And if you think this is bad, try getting him a hair cut.
8.) He won't leave his socks on so his feet are always cold. This is a battle we've just stopped fighting. We've tried socks, socks inside out, shoes over socks, slippers. Nothing works. Feet and head = no touch zones.
9.) Wetting himself/the bed. He wears a diaper, this shouldn't be an issue. Yes, we change him regularly. He doesn't tell us he's wet, but we have a routine that works. But he'll pull his pee-pee out of the leg of his diaper. And last night when we were getting ready for bed we unzipped the sleeper he wore that day (our sometimes solution to the no socks thing when it's just too cold for that to be a viable option) and his diaper was off in the bottom of his sleeper leg. Completely off, with the sleeper still zipped up. How does he do that?
Those are the big 9. And you know what I've realized while typing this? Well, one, wait to blog til he has nap, because he's been getting into everything. And two, while it bothers me, I'm not a bad parent. I love my son and am doing the best I can to work through these issues and the ones not mentioned. I play with him, take care of him, show him love. I'm teaching him and doing the best I can.
And you, reader, I know you probably have a different list of big button issues for you. Things that make you feel like a horrible parent. But you aren't. You aren't a bad parent. Not knowing how to deal with things is normal. Every kid is different, so even if this isn't your first child, you are learning new things that work or don't with this child. And if you're like me, and have a child with special needs, this adds a whole new level of confusion to the mix. You are not a bad parent. Make that your mantra "I'm not a bad parent, I'm just human, learning as I go, doing the best that I can. I'm not a bad parent."
Don't just say it, believe it. I'm not a bad parent.
It's normal for parents with special needs kids, hell, with kids in general, to have a brief moment of "woe is me" every now and then. I'm not special. I'm not horrible for thinking life would be so much easier without the autism. I'm not bad for absolutely hating the situation we are in, autism and other aspects included.
Autism sucks.
These are the things that bother me the most:
1.) He does not always respond to verbal commands. This is not our fault. Part of it is the autism. He cannot tell from our tone that we are being firm and decisive. He may not even really understand what we are saying, so we step in and show him. We say "No! Get down!" and put him on the floor. This serves two purposes, it gets him off whatever we don't want him climbing on, and we're hoping it teaches him that no, get down, means to get off whatever he's on. We've been seeing progress with this. So, why do I feel bad because we can't say "No" and get instant results? I shouldn't. We're working with him the way that he seems to respond to. And yet, I still feel like I failed to each this to him.
2.) He does not communicate to us (in a way we can understand) and we are unsure how much of what we say he understands. I've been reading to him, telling him stories, talking him through everything since the day he was born. Everyone has worked on teaching him new words. And he has words, he really does, but he doesn't use them meaningfully. Meaning, he parrots them, he says them back, but they don't MEAN anything to him. He said "Please" like 20 times yesterday. Not once was he asking for something. He said "No" more than that, not once was he responding to something.
3.) The tantrums suck and I want to give in every time. I hate to hear my little boy cry, and I want to give him everything he wants. But I know that some of these things are not what is best for him, so I don't give in, and he cries. I know tantrums are normal, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
4.) The meltdowns. Anyone who has an autistic child understand this. Meltdowns are like supercharged tantrum that last sometimes up to a couple of hours and there is very little you can do to diffuse the situation once it's started. Yeah, that makes me feel wonderful.
5.) He's not bottle broke, and while were doing it anyway, I'm not even sure he's really ready for it. He's 27 months. He should have been broke 15 months ago according to WIC and doctors I feel like we are constantly being judged about the bottle thing. It's a security for him, but it's something we have to take away.
6.) Potty training? Yeah, not in the forseeable future. How do you potty train a non-verbal 2 year old boy who probably doesn't understand half of what you're saying to him? I mean, how does he let us know he needs to go? You get answers for me, and I will be a very happy woman. Because I am at a complete loss and here is another skill I have no idea how to teach him.
7.) Teethbrushing, hair brushing, and nose cleaning sounds like we are torturing him. I don't like people to watch us do it either. We have to pin him, it takes both of us, and he's still screaming and fighting the whole time. Nothing we have done has made it easier. I feel guilty and horrible about the whole thing. And if you think this is bad, try getting him a hair cut.
8.) He won't leave his socks on so his feet are always cold. This is a battle we've just stopped fighting. We've tried socks, socks inside out, shoes over socks, slippers. Nothing works. Feet and head = no touch zones.
9.) Wetting himself/the bed. He wears a diaper, this shouldn't be an issue. Yes, we change him regularly. He doesn't tell us he's wet, but we have a routine that works. But he'll pull his pee-pee out of the leg of his diaper. And last night when we were getting ready for bed we unzipped the sleeper he wore that day (our sometimes solution to the no socks thing when it's just too cold for that to be a viable option) and his diaper was off in the bottom of his sleeper leg. Completely off, with the sleeper still zipped up. How does he do that?
Those are the big 9. And you know what I've realized while typing this? Well, one, wait to blog til he has nap, because he's been getting into everything. And two, while it bothers me, I'm not a bad parent. I love my son and am doing the best I can to work through these issues and the ones not mentioned. I play with him, take care of him, show him love. I'm teaching him and doing the best I can.
And you, reader, I know you probably have a different list of big button issues for you. Things that make you feel like a horrible parent. But you aren't. You aren't a bad parent. Not knowing how to deal with things is normal. Every kid is different, so even if this isn't your first child, you are learning new things that work or don't with this child. And if you're like me, and have a child with special needs, this adds a whole new level of confusion to the mix. You are not a bad parent. Make that your mantra "I'm not a bad parent, I'm just human, learning as I go, doing the best that I can. I'm not a bad parent."
Don't just say it, believe it. I'm not a bad parent.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Swapping needs for needs
A lesson we've learned at Goober Central is that sometimes you have to trade one positive thing to get another positive thing. You learn to choose which is more important to you, and live with the sacrifice. Unfortunately, there are times when neither option is a great one. What I mean is:
-- Sleep at night vs Nap during the day.
This is not an always-swap, but it's often enough that we aren't thrilled about it. For the longest time, he would take a two hour nap late in the evening, and wouldn't go to sleep until like 6 in the morning. We let him have the nap during the day, because including the nap during the day, with as often as he woke up, Goob averaged 4 hours of sleep a day. Recently, we've got him going to bed at 8PM (10PM at the latest) and getting up 8AM (10AM at the latest). A *much* better schedule, with real, quality sleep in there. He went from waking up sometimes every half hour, and no less frequent than every two hours, to waking up once at night, sometimes twice if he has a nightmare, and sleeping soundly through the rest of the night. But we've lost day time nap. Sometimes he will take an hour nap, sometimes half an hour in the car if we have somewhere to go. But these are rare now. He sleeps better at night without it.
-- Melatonin vs Possible nightmares
I've read that melatonin can cause very vivid dreams. I get the distinct impression that Goob has been having nightmares regularly. I'm not sure if it's caused by the melatonin, as I, myself, have horrible nightmares to the point of waking up screaming on a semi-regular basis. But it seems to have increased since we upped his dosage from 1mg to 2mg a night. But again, this is a swap where we really have to think about if it's worth it or not. The sleeping progress I've mentioned already is partly due to the melatonin, and if the melatonin is causing nightmares are we willing to lose the positive sleep? My answer is no. Mainly because sleep is needed and we weren't getting it beforehand. And we can't say specifically that the nightmares are from the melatonin, just as we can't say the sleep issues are from the autism. Heck, his parents can't sleep without aides either.
So, for him to have good sleep at night, we've swapped daytime naps and accept nightmares (we think). Is it a fair trade? No, not really. But we're not entirely sure of what else to do here. We still encourage him to nap daily, we just don't fight him tooth and nail. He's getting 12 hours without the nap. I'm happy with this.
Swaps I don't like and am limiting and eliminating:
-- MILK: Calming effects vs bad gas and stomach pain (I SWEAR he's lactose intolerant. Why do I say that? I'm his mother, that's why.) He hates soy/almond/rice milk with a passion and throws a major fit when we offer it. Sigh, this is a tough one.
-- Awesome at ABCs and 123s vs Communicative and functional language.Multiple receptive expressive language disorder SUCKS.
Why does it feel like we have to swap something good to get something good back? Can't we have both good things, or not have the bad things at all? I'm totally ready for something positive.
-- Sleep at night vs Nap during the day.
This is not an always-swap, but it's often enough that we aren't thrilled about it. For the longest time, he would take a two hour nap late in the evening, and wouldn't go to sleep until like 6 in the morning. We let him have the nap during the day, because including the nap during the day, with as often as he woke up, Goob averaged 4 hours of sleep a day. Recently, we've got him going to bed at 8PM (10PM at the latest) and getting up 8AM (10AM at the latest). A *much* better schedule, with real, quality sleep in there. He went from waking up sometimes every half hour, and no less frequent than every two hours, to waking up once at night, sometimes twice if he has a nightmare, and sleeping soundly through the rest of the night. But we've lost day time nap. Sometimes he will take an hour nap, sometimes half an hour in the car if we have somewhere to go. But these are rare now. He sleeps better at night without it.
-- Melatonin vs Possible nightmares
I've read that melatonin can cause very vivid dreams. I get the distinct impression that Goob has been having nightmares regularly. I'm not sure if it's caused by the melatonin, as I, myself, have horrible nightmares to the point of waking up screaming on a semi-regular basis. But it seems to have increased since we upped his dosage from 1mg to 2mg a night. But again, this is a swap where we really have to think about if it's worth it or not. The sleeping progress I've mentioned already is partly due to the melatonin, and if the melatonin is causing nightmares are we willing to lose the positive sleep? My answer is no. Mainly because sleep is needed and we weren't getting it beforehand. And we can't say specifically that the nightmares are from the melatonin, just as we can't say the sleep issues are from the autism. Heck, his parents can't sleep without aides either.
So, for him to have good sleep at night, we've swapped daytime naps and accept nightmares (we think). Is it a fair trade? No, not really. But we're not entirely sure of what else to do here. We still encourage him to nap daily, we just don't fight him tooth and nail. He's getting 12 hours without the nap. I'm happy with this.
Swaps I don't like and am limiting and eliminating:
-- MILK: Calming effects vs bad gas and stomach pain (I SWEAR he's lactose intolerant. Why do I say that? I'm his mother, that's why.) He hates soy/almond/rice milk with a passion and throws a major fit when we offer it. Sigh, this is a tough one.
-- Awesome at ABCs and 123s vs Communicative and functional language.Multiple receptive expressive language disorder SUCKS.
Why does it feel like we have to swap something good to get something good back? Can't we have both good things, or not have the bad things at all? I'm totally ready for something positive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)